novelapdf Chapter 101 Strange Tales of the Sect: My Days Cleaning Up on Purple Bamboo Peak
Chapter 101 Strange Tales of the Sect: My Days Cleaning Up on Purple Bamboo Peak
Chapter 101 Strange Tales of the Sect: My Days Cleaning Up on Purple Bamboo Peak
The morning frost had not yet dissipated, and the courtyard was quiet and cold.
Ji Linglong gripped the shovel, staring intently at the pig beside the stone table.
The pig squinted its beady eyes, its gaze like that of someone picking and choosing at a market, pondering whether to braise or steam it.
"What are you looking at!" Ji Linglong brandished her spatula, baring her teeth fiercely. "If you look again, I'll stew you!"
"Hmph."
The pig snorted disdainfully, slowly turned around, and presented its pink, tender rear end to her, wagging its curled tail provocatively.
Ji Linglong was so angry that her hands trembled. Just as she was about to lash out, she heard the sound of sunflower seeds being cracked above her head.
"Xiao Cui, you're very enthusiastic about your work."
Yu Liang squatted on the wall, casually spitting out a sunflower seed shell, which landed precisely on the freshly swept ground.
Ji Linglong took a deep breath, suppressing the urge to slap him in the face with the shovel: "Good morning, young master, this servant will sweep right away."
"No rush."
Yu Liang jumped off the wall, his eyes lingering on the beauty mark between her eyebrows. "The way the sect leader looked at you last night was a bit strange. You wouldn't happen to be his illegitimate daughter who was raised among commoners, would you?"
Ji Linglong's hand trembled, and she almost dropped the shovel.
Is this bastard testing me?
As for the nonsense about her being an illegitimate daughter, she simply assumed it was a lie told by this scoundrel to trick her out of her identity.
"Young master is too kind."
Ji Linglong lowered her head, concealing the disdain in her eyes, her voice timid, "This servant has been raised on the charity of many families since childhood, how could I possibly have such extravagant wealth? If you were the sect leader's daughter, you would have been enjoying a life of luxury in the Taiqing Palace long ago, why would you have to suffer here—suffer this torment?"
Yu Liang stared at her for two seconds, then smiled.
I really don't know. That makes things easier.
Yu Liang was overjoyed.
This information gap of "I know who you are, but he doesn't know who you are, and you don't know who you are either" is the best bargaining chip for extortion—or rather, for demanding compensation for emotional distress.
"That's true." Yu Liang sighed regretfully. "If you were an illegitimate daughter, I'd have to ask the sect leader for at least 100,000 or 200,000 yuan in child support. Since you're not—"
He brushed the crumbs off his hands and smiled meaningfully: "Then work hard to pay off your debts."
Ji Linglong breathed a sigh of relief, cursing the man inwardly for being greedy, unaware that she had become a golden hostage waiting to be sold.
After saying that, he turned and walked back with his hands behind his back: "Let's eat."
Ji Linglong's stomach rumbled from the enticing aroma. Just as she was about to serve herself some rice, an alpaca with a black bow tie strolled over gracefully, took a deep breath in front of the steaming bowl of food, and coughed—pui!
A mouthful of foamy phlegm fell into the dish.
Ji Linglong's chopsticks clattered to the ground, her stomach churning violently.
Ah Tuo glanced at her sideways, his eyes filled with disdain, as if he were looking at a bumpkin who didn't understand art. "Eat!"
This alpaca can talk?!
Yu Liang was the first to reach for his chopsticks, picking up a leaf of vegetable covered in foam: "Sophistication! This is the soul of the dish."
Su Xiu shoveled rice into her mouth with one hand and fiddled with the abacus with the other: "This essence costs three spirit stones. Since you're new, this meal is considered a staff meal, so I'll deduct two spirit stones from your pay. You're getting a good deal."
"belch"
Gu Santong slumped on a rock, clutching a roast chicken and hiccuping: "Is this the girl worth five thousand in fines? Not bad figure. Good disciple, how about selling her to the Hehuan Sect to recoup some money?"
A chill ran straight to the top of Ji Linglong's head. Who was this old madman?
Before I could even react, the mournful and poignant sound of the erhu exploded in my ears.
"Waaaaah"
Gui Ku, clutching his single-stringed erhu, stared at her with hollow eyes, his voice hoarse like a crow's: "Girl, I see your face is dark, a terrible omen. This meal is probably your last, isn't it? Come, let your senior brother play you a 'Sending Off the Soul's Song,' ensuring you depart with dignity."
"Shut up! Your appearance isn't ruined yet, don't rush to send you away."
Fifth Senior Sister floated over in disguise, her face devoid of features, only an exaggerated smile painted with rouge.
She held the embroidery needle with veins still attached, circling around Ji Linglong: "This skin—it's a bit loose. A few stitches would make it more perfect. I have some top-quality silkworm silk, want to try?"
Ji Linglong felt a chill run down her spine as she stared at the swaying needle tip, instinctively wanting to back away.
Click, click.
The heavy metallic scraping sound blocked their retreat.
Fourth Senior Brother Mo Ju dragged a serrated knife half a person's height, his single eye flashing blue light: "Flesh and blood are weak, machinery ascends."
Your leg bone structure is flawed. Why not saw it off and replace it with a pair of "Divine Speed and Transformation" mechanical legs? Five hundred spirit stones, lifetime warranty.
"Get out of the way! Don't block my way while I'm conducting clinical trials!"
Hongyao darted out, clutching a pill emitting purple smoke, her eyes gleaming: "New here? Perfect! A newly developed, improved version of 'Smiling Half-Step Madness'—strawberry flavor! One pill will make you laugh until your Ren and Du meridians are opened, the only side effect being three days of facial cramps. Open your mouth!"
You can even see a distorted human face screaming on the pill.
"Let's sleep in the coffin first!"
The eldest disciple, Kumu, appeared behind them unnoticed, patting the enormous black coffin with the enthusiasm of a salesman: "A bed for the living consumes lifespan, a coffin for the dead accumulates good karma! New employee trial price: only ten spirit stones!"
Saliva-infused food, the theory of selling oneself into servitude, funeral music, facial needles, leg saws, poison pills, black coffins —
Looking at this group of madmen who wanted to tear her to pieces, Ji Linglong finally realized what kind of hell she had fallen into.
This is the leader of the righteous path? This is clearly a mental hospital!
After a morning of turmoil, Ji Linglong felt like she was half dead. But that wasn't the most desperate thing yet.
In the afternoon, Yu Liang led her to the vegetable garden on the back hill.
"This is your third senior brother, Tu San." Yu Liang pointed to a bald head in the ground. "Your task today is to be his assistant."
Ji Linglong looked at the strange man whose neck and below were buried in the ground, with only his bald head exposed as he basked in the sun, and a sense of foreboding welled up in her heart.
"Greetings, Third Senior Brother."
Tu San didn't open its eyes, and lazily snorted, "Don't block my photosynthesis. I'm a seed, not a person."
'
"Third Senior Brother has been researching a new variety of potato recently." Yu Liang patted Ji Linglong on the shoulder. "This batch of potatoes is a bit depressed, and the yield isn't high. You're a girl, you're approachable, so help them out."
Ji Linglong was stunned: "How can we help? By fertilizing or watering?"
Tu San finally opened his eyes. There was no human emotion in those eyes, only a fanaticism for plant reproduction.
"None of those," Tu San said in a hoarse voice, with a muddy smell. "They don't need water; that's spoiling them. They need passion, the stimulation of hormones, and—the urge to mate."
Ji Linglong: "?"
Tu San pointed to the drooping potato seedlings: "Go, dance for them. The kind of dance—you know, the kind that gets the blood pumping in males. Stimulate their primal desires, make them want to bloom and bear fruit to show themselves off."
1
Ji Linglong turned to stone.
Make her do a striptease? To a pile of potatoes?
"Are you insane?!" Ji Linglong finally roared. "I'm here to work, not to perform! A scholar can be killed but not humiliated!"
"One hundred and twenty spirit stones."
Yu Liang slowly announced the amount, then pulled out an IOU and waved it around. "This is to offset ten days' wages. Su Xiu said if you don't work, you'll have to clean the pigsty for a month. Besides, Pig Master's stomach hasn't been feeling well lately, and he's been having rather—unrestrained—diarrhea."
Recalling the pig's eyes and Ah Tuo's phlegm, Ji Linglong gritted her teeth.
Endure. For the sake of infiltration, for the sake of a greater cause.
Ji Linglong took a deep breath and walked to the center of the vegetable garden.
She is the Holy Maiden of the Demonic Cult, and even her secret "Heavenly Demon Dance" is used to bewitch the masses and kill people invisibly.
Now, it's actually used to celebrate potatoes?
What a shame!
Despite the lack of accompaniment and the fact that the audience consisted of potatoes and lunatics, her professionalism allowed her to quickly get into character.
Her waist swayed, her eyes filled with seductive allure.
The coarse linen clothes couldn't conceal the allure that burst forth in that instant.
Yu Liang squatted on the edge of the field, whistling: "Wow, that's professional. That waist strength, you've practiced."
As Ji Linglong danced, strange things began to happen.
The potato seedlings, which had been drooping, actually began to tremble.
The leaves unfurled, the stems stood upright, and they emitted a faint "sizzling" sound, as if they were breathing excitedly.
Tu San's eyes shone with an alarming light, and his bald head glowed green: "Yes! That's it! Increase the intensity! They've sensed it! This is the impulse of life!"
Ji Linglong was filled with shame and indignation, so she had no choice but to grit her teeth and increase the intensity of her movements. She spun, jumped, and flirted.
The underground soil churned and surged, as if something was expanding wildly.
"It's coming! It's coming!" Tu San exclaimed excitedly, almost leaping out of the ground. "A miracle of life!"
boom-!!!
A loud bang.
It wasn't the beautiful sound of flowers blooming and bearing fruit, but rather the devastating roar of excessive pressure causing the container to burst.
Hundreds of potatoes, overly excited, lost control of their starchy spiritual energy and collectively exploded underground.
The mud mixed with the scalding hot mashed potatoes turned into a massive "potato rain," pelting down on you.
Ji Linglong, who was at the center of the explosion, was engulfed before she could even scream.
The smoke and dust cleared.
Ji Linglong stood still.
Her smooth, long hair was blown into a charred, afro-like shape, still emitting wisps of smoke.
His face was covered in mud, and he had half a raw potato root in his mouth.
He looked like a fire poker that had been struck by lightning.
"It failed." Tu San shook his head regretfully, closed his eyes again, and said, "It seems the stimulation was too much; these seeds have too little willpower. Maybe next time we should try something more subtle, like reciting poetry?"
Yu Liang walked over, reached out and took a hot roasted potato from Ji Linglong's afro, peeled it and took a bite.
"Mmm, crispy on the outside and tender on the inside, with a uniquely enchanting aroma."
He looked at Ji Linglong, who was on the verge of collapse and whose eyes were rolling back, and gave her a thumbs up.
"Xiao Cui, well done. You'll get extra mashed potatoes tonight. This is a credit for you, worth five spirit stones."
Ji Linglong spat out the potato root in her mouth, rolled her eyes, and fell straight backward.
Destroy it.
Hurry up.
Whoever wants to be the Holy Maiden of the Demonic Cult can be.